Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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