I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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