Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
