I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
