At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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