im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
