I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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