Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Drake has all the answers
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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