So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
