i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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