It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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