I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
