why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Randomize
