I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
