Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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