I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
