i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
