I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
