my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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