I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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