I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
