I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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