the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
