ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
