We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
