is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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