All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's great music for shaving your balls
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
