someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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