I'm drive I can fine osifer
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
