haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
