I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
