You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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