Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
