Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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