I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
