I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You are a genius and a whore.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
