How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
