need another drink. this is the easiest way
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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