I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
