You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
