Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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