the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
