You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
someone owes me an orgasm
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
