Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
