put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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