I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
