What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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