Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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