omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
