would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
