he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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