new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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