Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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