So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You can't motorboat a personality
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
