So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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