Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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