so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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